Birthdays

Today’s date is so very neat. 17 02 2017. It’s a beautifully sunny day and it’s also my birthday.

I’ve had a mixed relationship with my birthday over the years. As a child it was far and away the most important day of the year to me, the only day I felt important, that I mattered. I expected the sun to shine, the bus to be on time, everyone to be super nice to me and to adorn me with gifts and throw wonderful parties for me. If anything didn’t meet my extremely high expectations for the day, I felt that I would have to wait another year for the next opportunity. What a weight.

After having children, I transferred the weight of birthday expectations to them and deemed it my personal responsibility to ensure that the sun would shine, their bus would be on time, and that they were the prince or princess for the day. More weight.

And then something changed. I began to find that my special day would inevitably not live up to my impossibly high expectations, in fact, it would usually get ruined and I’d find myself sulking in bed by 9pm with all the exciting plans and preparations in tatters.

The pendulum had uncomfortably swung the other way before eventually settling in another place entirely.

Today, I celebrate the birth of my physical form by loving my humaness. The date feels sacred to me, and very internal. I have no need or desire to shout it from the rooftops, and spending the day only with myself or close loved ones has become my norm.

I still love the 17th February, but I feel that the celebration is between me and the date and no one needs to pander to my whims or wants. I love to sit in the field of the anniversary of my birth and offer thanks to Life for affording me the opportunity to be here in these unusual times. I have realised that every day can be lovely, regardless of the date and I love that neither my birthday, nor anyone else’s carries any ballast for me.

I don’t even notice the getting older part anymore, except when the decade changes. It feels like a personal new year, between me and Life. I do still like it when it’s sunny though. That hasn’t changed.

How do you relate to your birthday? Has your relationship with it changed over the years?

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Comments

  1. Shelley says

    First of all my dearest Avanti, I want to go to one of the Greek islands with you:)) Birthday has also been very special for me and sometimes I’m alone on the day but feel very thankful to my mother for bringing me into this world. I usually go out with my beautiful Sons sometime after that. Yes I get emotional, remembering being a princess for the day and being surprised with a wonderful
    Gift, but most of all being with my Mom and Dad and brother going out to dinner. Such fond memories. I have so much gratitude now on my day. Sending love and light on your special day:))

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