Confession – I’m an attention whore

Not in the sense that I will do anything for attention, but in the sense that I so often give my attention away when it’s not warranted, deserved or earned.

I wrap people up in my attention, hold them gently and nicely, and bring them out. Make them feel good, ask them questions they want to answer. And this is a very nice thing to do.

But it’s not always a good use of my attention, focus or resources. It means I give away arguably one of the most, if not the most, valuable resources I have – my attention – for a very low price.

That price can be as low as not feeling like the other person is uncomfortable, or not sitting in a potentially awkward silence.

And I’m guessing I’m not the only one who does this, perhaps you do too?

Do you give your attention away to people that you would really rather not focus on. Maybe you even give away your best, most present attention to people who have no way to appreciate the gift you’re giving them, and don’t do anything with it.

It might feel like we don’t get anything back when we do this, as if it’s some altruistic, saint-like move, but I think we do.

We get to feel less uncomfortable.

We get to avoid telling the truth.

We get to not make a scene.

We get to not sit there in absolute silence, or walk away, and be honest about what’s actually happening.

A small bit of payback, perhaps, but there’s always something in it for us or else we wouldn’t do it.

So, my challenge – and I’d like to invite you to join me – is to not give my attention to the lowest, most awkward bidder.

To save my attention for me, and things and people I actively want to spend it on.

And – this is the scariest and most exciting part – to be honest.

Bored of conversation? What might happened if we said as much?

Feel like you want to leave a situation? Why not give it a go?

Nothing coming back from your interlocutor? Sit in silence and you enjoy your own company.